Monthly Archives: March 2015

How to make your cat hate you

Realistically, your cat should already hate you. It’s a cat. Cats hate most things. However, this post might push your cat from a cold disgust directed at humanity in general to a burning, twisted rage that will consume you all. I will not accept responsibility if your cat smothers you in your sleep or poisons your coffee.

HOW, you ask? HOW is this possible? (And if you are here from my Facebook post, you already know)  Well, I’ll tell you how it’s possible –

KITTY LEG WARMERS

“Now I hear the music
Close my eyes, I am rhythm
In a flash, it takes hold of my heart” photo 14B89EEB-F8A2-482F-A832-74D72B50CDB9_zpsmc1recgf.jpg

Disclaimers: No kitties were harmed in the making of these leg warmers. If your cats aren’t super chill and/or dislike being handled, don’t waste your time. Pine for a sweet kitty instead. (Ha. That doesn’t exist)

Fat Lumen, pictured above, is about 12lbs. (Husband says ten. I say 14) and these are a little large on her. They were made loosely on purpose as kitty claws getting stuck in knitting is going to be a painful experience for both of you.

We’re emotionally scarring the cats, remember? Not physically abusing them.

That being said, if you want to continue, this way madness lies.

Materials:

  • Size 2, US, four double pointed needles
  • Sock yarn. Not much.
  • Soundtrack to Flashdance (optional)

Gauge: Not important. Your cat isn’t going to wear these.

Kitty Leg Warmer Pattern:

  1. Cast on 28 stitches. Divide as evenly as possible between three needles (10, 8, 10) Join in the round being careful not to twist your stitches.
  2. Knit 2, purl 2 for the entire row. You should end on purl stitches.
  3. Continue to knit 2, purl 2 until it measures about 1 inch from the cast on edge.
  4. Switch to stockinette stitch. In the round, this is just knit stitches.
  5. Keep knitting
  6. Knit some more
  7. Have you reached at least an inch? Good. Knit another half inch.
  8. Measure your work. You should be about 2 1/2 inches from the cast on edge. Finish the row if you haven’t already
  9. Repeat Step 2. Continue to knit 2, purl 2 for about an inch.
  10. Bind off in pattern if you’re fancy. Bind off how you want if you’re not.
  11. Weave in the ends. Or don’t. I didn’t. You can’t keep leg warmers on a cat for more than 60 seconds so it didn’t seem worth the effort of finding the right tool.
  12. Repeat steps 1-11 depending on how many legs your kitty has.
  13. Ply the kitty with treats and slip on quickly. Watch the dew claws.
  14. Try not to lose your fingers.

Ta-da!
 photo D2FAF0D0-7372-41AD-A44E-8EBB6C2AD5FD_zpsqjxijm0w.jpg

Completely over my shit (The leg warmers are blurry but that face is perfection)
 photo 2AEF376D-84A0-4668-8CE6-A3C28F7FE9E8_zpsdnzhlozc.jpg

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