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Conversational snippets

She watched him silently for a few moments as he worked at the stove and then said,”I need you to show me how to grill pork chops. I don’t know how.”

“I can’t.” His slight chagrin was accompanied by a charming smile, “I literally have no idea what I’m doing.”

“So what are you doing?” she asked, “What’s your plan?”

“I decided to put the raw meat on this hot thing.”

She tilted her head, and inspected the meat with a critical eye, “That’s a pretty solid plan.”

“I thought so too.”

Me: Can poinsettias live outside? I want one but it would be safer for the the animals if we kept it outside. They’re cold weather plants, right?

Kyle: Seriously? What in our thirteen years together makes you think I know the answer to that question?

Me: I thought you’d be use to my questions by now and prepare accordingly.

Kyle: You’re right. That’s how I spend my spare time. Reading up on poinsettia trivia.


“I need your help!” she shouted from the bathroom.

He bounded across the bedroom, scolding the dogs to get the hell out of the way. When he reached her, the concern on his face was evident. “What? What’s wrong?”

“I slept in this shirt but I still want to wear it today. Help me rub the dog fur off of it?”

He stared at her, his face torn between amusement and irritation. Finally he said, “I’m posting this on Facebook.”

“Good. I hope you do. Now help me with my shirt.”


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December 8, 2013 · 1:59 am

Mass hysteria! Cats and dogs living together

We have two cats now.

I’m not really sure how it happened.   I mean, I know the details of what transpired. I could lay it out, piece by piece, but that story is boring and doesn’t really capture the spirit of what happened.

I feel the story can be best be portrayed with a crappy Paint comic instead.

The lesson in all of this is that when life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. If life gives you cats… well, don’t make cat juice. That’s gross. I can’t imagine the cats would like it either. 

However, there’s no reason I couldn’t help the cats make metaphorical lemonade with the bad hand they had been dealt.  I wanted cats and the cats needed a home. Voila! Metaphorical kitty lemonade! 

Kyle pretends to be a long-suffering victim in all of this. Whatever. He supposedly hates cats but I have evidence to the contrary:

  1. He takes an inordinate number of selfies with both cats.
  2. He built them a cat tree
  3. He lets a 3lb kitten sleep in his beard.

Quite  obviously, this is hate made manifest. (I need the ability to convey rolling my eyes super hard on blog posts)

Even if you aren’t swayed by this argument, I feel Kyle and I are pretty even. That jerk gave me pink-eye two weeks ago because he refused to go to the doctor. Two days of infected eyes equals twenty years of cats. 😀

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November 12, 2013 · 3:20 am